黑蓝论坛

标题: 新译以内修 [打印本页]

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
标题: 新译以内修
《别时》

(美) 凯利

父亲告诉我别那样做
但我还是摘了一夜的桃子
之后果园依旧，沟渠里的水流淌依旧
那时的我还是个小姑娘，心间自有围起栅栏的花园
多少次攀爬才能将一座果园采完？
我只有一架长长的扶梯和一双茧亮的手
伴着从我头顶流淌而过的星星的张望
一如水喘息着流过沟渠
仿佛诉说着无月的采摘
和那些先于我的采摘者们
我把桃子放进池塘冰凉的水中
并且整晚爬上爬下，整晚我的双手
不停的拧动就像推开一千道门
整晚我的脊背就像一条小路直通天际
渐渐地外乎于仁慈，外乎于
茫茫星野，清晨降临
这一刻如钟般的沉静安宁也降临我的内心
就像铜钟被撞响之后，又在
长久的期待被钟锤的再次敲击
光线穿过整座果园
渠水银质的外衣瞬息不再
在放下最后一枚桃子时我竟看到
——池塘里满是鱼儿和眼睛

The Leaving

(美) 凯利

My father said I could not do it,
but all night I picked the peaches.
The orchard was still, the canals ran steadily.
I was a girl then, my chest its own walled garden.
How many ladders to gather an orchard?
I had only one and a long patience with lit hands
and the looking of the stars which moved right through me
the way the water moved through the canals with a voice
that seemed to speak of this moonless gathering
and those who had gathered before me.
I put the peaches in the pond\'s cold water,
all night up the ladder and down, all night my hands
twisting fruit as if I were entering a thousand doors,
all night my back a straight road to the sky.
And then out of its own goodness, out
of the far fields of the stars, the morning came,
and inside me was the stillness a bell possesses
just after it has been rung, before the metal
begins to long again for the clapper\'s stroke.
The light came over the orchard.
The canals were silver and then were not.
and the pond was--I could see as I laid
the last peach in the water--full of fish and eyes.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-26 8:49:21编辑过]

作者: 王敖 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
欢迎

作者: 太上老军 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
lit hands翻译成“茧亮”，合适吗？
当然“茧亮”很有质感，而且很巧妙，但一晚上的操劳只可能打出血泡，不太可能磨出厚茧吧？

And then out of its own goodness, out
of the far fields of the stars, the morning came,
渐渐地外乎于仁慈，外乎于
茫茫星野，清晨降临

意思好像很不明确。我想Out of在此也许应该理解为“出于、来自”，这样理解似乎可以解决上下文的连接问题，那么its own goodness中的its也就是the morning\'s

moonless gathering翻译成“无月的采摘”，很好，有一种省略掉作为中介的主体而带来的迅捷和直接感，还有一种劳作自然呈现的存在感。有时我在想，英语中这种连接很多，直译成汉语后就有了特别的韵味。

and inside me was the stillness a bell possesses
just after it has been rung, before the metal
begins to long again for the clapper\'s stroke.
这一刻如钟般的沉静安宁也降临我的内心
就像铜钟被撞响之后，又在
长久的期待被钟锤的再次敲击

这一段写得很好，翻译似乎偏差比较大
把诗人的原意直白的说出来，应该是：
在我心中充满沉静，这沉静乃是
一口钟在它刚刚被敲响之后，而又在
再次期待被钟舌敲击之前所拥有的（那种）。

full of fish and eyes
不是“鱼的眼睛”，而是“鱼和眼睛”

作者: 太上老军 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
另外，翻译中添加的“修饰性”的成分比较多，比如“盈盈”、“仿佛”、“水银质”等等，在翻译这个诗人这一类型的诗的时候问题不太大，但在翻译一些风格比较硬朗的诗时可能不太合适

另：my chest its own walled garden这一句没太理解

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
谢谢王敖，希望您多批评帮助。

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
太上老军说到我很多翻译过程中的困顿之处，有些地方在我再三权衡之后不得不采取一些“柔软化“的手段——硬译过来很吃亏。
修辞的问题也就出在此处。（说起惭愧，有的地方耍了下小聪明，其实不一定是高明）
个别处已被我修改，十分感谢太上老军的意见，希望以后多与您学习交流。

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《当你老了》

叶芝

当你老了，双鬓如霜，睡意沉沉，
依偎着炉火打盹，请取下这本书，
慢慢低颂，追忆当年双眸中
柔美的光芒和幽深的晕影。

多少人曾真情假意地，爱慕你青春的倩影，
爱慕你如花的美貌，唯有一人
爱你那朝圣者的心，爱你
日益凋零的脸庞上淡然的哀戚。

在炉栅旁，你佝偻着，
低语着，带着朦胧的伤感，
爱情是怎样逝去，怎样爬上山巅
又怎样在繁星之间藏起了容颜。

When You are Old

When you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
作为W.B.YEATS传世之经典，这首《when you are old》已经有很多的版本，但都觉不足，所以也译这一首。不当之处请批。

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《尘世玫瑰》

谁曾想美丽如梦而逝？
红唇如是，满含哀叹的骄傲
哀叹再无可期的奇迹降临：
特洛伊在冲天葬火中焚毁，
尤斯纳的孩子们纷纷夭折。

我们和辛劳的世界一起
被人类的灵魂穿透，
它们像冬日里的激流奔涌
在泡沫般流转的星空下，
靠孤独者的面容存活。

天使们，在你们微暗的藏身之处鞠躬吧：
在你们降世之前，或第一声心脏的跳响之前
善良的劳顿者徘徊在神座下；
神把这世界造成一条青青大道
在她游牧的脚前。

THE ROSE OF THE WORLD

Yeats

Who dreamed that beauty passes like a dream?
For these red lips, with all their mournful pride,
Mournful that no new wonder may betide,
Troy passed away in one high funeral gleam,
And Usna’s children died.

We and the labouring world are passing by:
Amid men’s souls, that waver and give place
Like the pale waters in their wintry race,
Under the passing stars, foam of the sky,
Lives on this lonely face.

Bow down, archangels, in your dim abode:
Before you were, or any hearts to beat,
Weary and kind one lingered by His seat;
He made the world to be a grassy road
Before her wandering feet.

《飘叶》

叶芝

秋天摩挲着恋世的叶子飘然而至
轻抚麦捆中蜷缩起身子的田鼠；
它染黄我们头顶上浆果的叶子,
又染黄湿漉漉的野草莓的睡裙。

在时光的围城中，爱意已然凋零
困倦了我们忧伤的心灵;
分手吧,在激情尚存之前,
在你低垂的额上留下一滴眼泪和一个轻吻。

The falling of the leaves

Yeats

Autumn is over the long leaves that love us,
And over the mice in the barley sheaves;
Yellow the leaves of the rowan above us,
And yellow the wet wild-strawberry leaves.
The howr of the waning of love has beset us ,
And weary and worn are our sad souls now;
Lets us part ,ere the season of passion forget us,
With a kiss and a tear on thy drooping brow.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《湖心岛茵纳斯弗利》

我即将动身，去茵纳斯弗利，
用泥土和茅草，搭一座小屋：
支起九行豆角架，再钉个蜂箱
在蜂群的歌唱中独居。

我将享受款款而至的安宁：
从清晨的面纱到蟋蟀的低吟之所。
午夜清辉闪耀，正午紫日茫茫
黄昏的天空铺满了红雀的翅膀。

我即将动身，因为日日夜夜我都听到
湖水轻吻着堤岸喘息；
不论站在马路上还是灰色的人行道上
我都在内心深处听见那悠悠的水声。

THE LAKE ISLE OF INNISFREE

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight\'s all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet\'s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart\'s core.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《爱的忧愁》

屋檐下一只麻雀的聒噪，
如水的月光，如盖的夜空，
还有树叶和谐的歌调，
遮掩了人类的身影和呼喊。

一位朱唇凄然的少女出现
仿佛昭告泪水浮起了世界的伟大：
命定，如奥德修斯船队历经艰险，
骄傲，像普里阿摩率部殉难。

浮现，在喧闹的屋檐上，
月亮拽着天幕爬升，
伴着叶子的忧伤，
构成了人类的身影和呼喊。

THE SORROW OF LOVE

The quarrel of the sparrow in the eaves,
The full round moon and the star-laden sky,
And the loud song of the ever-singing leaves,
Had hid away earth\'s old and weary cry.

And then you came with those red mournful lips,
And with you came the whole of the world\'s tears,
And all the sorrows of her labouring ships,
And all the burden of her myriad years.

And now the sparrows warring in the eaves,
The curd-pale moon, the white stars in the sky,
And the loud chaunting of the unquiet leaves,
Are shaken with earth\'s old and weary cry.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《白鸟》

亲爱的，我愿我们是一对白鸟，飞翔在浪尖，
在流星燃尽之前，便厌倦它了光辉；
蓝星发出淡淡的光，悬挂在黄昏的天空，
它唤起了我们心中不灭的忧伤。

露湿的百合、玫瑰带来了追梦人的倦意，
亲爱的，请不要梦想追逐流星的光亮；
请不要流连逗留在露水中的蓝星，
如此，我们才能化做一双白鸟，在浪尖比翼徜徉！

我的心头闪现着无数的岛屿,若干个丹南湖滨，
那里时光把我们遗忘，也不再有悲伤；
我们将远离纷扰
只做那浪尖自由飞翔的白鸟一双！

The White Birds

I would that we were, my beloved, white birds on the foam of the sea!
We tire of the flame of the meteor, before it can fade and flee;
And the flame of the blue star of twilight, hung low on the rim of the sky,
Has awaked in our hearts, my beloved, a sadness that may not die.

A weariness comes from those dreamers, dew-dabbled, the lily and rose;
Ah, dream not of them, my beloved, the flame of the meteor that goes,
Or the flame of the blue star that lingers hung low in the fall of the dew:
For I would we were changed to white birds on the wandering foam: I and you!

I am haunted by numberless islands, and many a Danaan shore,
Where Time would surely forget us, and Sorrow come near us no more;
Soon far from the rose and the lily and fret of the flames would we be,
Were we only white birds, my beloved, buoyed out on the foam of the sea!

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《逝去的爱》
朦胧的发卷，素手纤纤
我美丽的女友
所携那悠远的绝望
将在爱情里终结：
那天，她洞穿我的心
窥见你的影相依旧埋藏
便带着潸然的泪水，离我而去。

The Lover Mourns for the Loss of Love
??
??Pales brows, still hands and dim hair,
??I had a beautiful friend
??And dreamed that the old despair
??Would end in love in the end:
??She looked in my heart one day
??And saw your image was there;
??She has gone weeping away.

作者: 莨 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
第一首诗很奇妙。最后似乎是天大亮时的疲惫和婉别，所以，鱼儿和眼睛应该是很好的喻体。翻译很锻炼人，多次翻译同一首诗更是。

喜欢你的语气，但感觉整体的贯通和再书写，需要更上一层。问好

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
莨的意见收到，我会加以注意，握手。

He Tells Of A Valley Full Of Lovers

I dreamed that I stood in a valley, and amid sighs,
For happy lovers passed two by two where I stood;
And I dreamed my lost love came stealthily out of the wood
With her cloud-pale eyelids falling on dream-dimmed eyes:
I cried in my dream, O women, bid the young men lay
Their heads on your knees, and drown their eyes with your fair,
Or remembering hers they will find no other face fair
Till all the valleys of the world have been withered away.

《情人谷》

我梦见我在一座山谷中深深地叹息，
常有出双入对的恋人经过我的身旁；
我那故去的爱情又从林间悄然萌醒，
瞳仁里藏着梦境，眼睑似云雾迷离。
我在梦中呼喊：女士们，请让男士
把头放在你们膝上，伴着青丝入眠，
否则想起她的美，你们便容颜不再，
直到所有关于山谷的记忆凋零枯黄。

He Tells of the Perfect Beauty

O cloud-pale eyelids, dream-dimmed eyes.
The poets labouring all their days
To build a perfect beauty in rhyme
Are overthrowned by a woman\'s gaze
And by the unlabouring brood of the skies:
And therefore my heart will bow, when dew
Is dropping sleep, until God burn time,
Before the unlabouring stars and you.

《言美》

哦，眼睑如云，瞳仁似梦。
诗人们日夜辛劳
用韵律打造的美好，
却在一位女郎的凝眸里灰飞烟灭，
在九天群星的忧思中土崩瓦解。
于是，每当露珠敲打睡意，
我的心也为之倾倒，直到
上帝将时间燃尽
在群星和你的面前。

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-7-28 15:44:44编辑过]

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:28
《他冀求天宇霓裳》

若我有天宇霓裳
以金光银线织就
有夜的黯蓝,昼的纯白
和晨曦的朦胧，
我会把它铺散在你的脚下：
可我，除了梦，别无其他。
我把梦铺在你的脚下：
请轻轻地落脚，别踩痛了它。

HE WISHES FOR THE CLOTHS OF HEAVEN

Had I the heavens\' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

《箭》

我一想起你的美，这只箭——
这支迷思之箭——就刺入我的骨髓。
没有男人用那样的眼光欣赏她了——再没有了。
少女初成之际，她的迷人和高贵
在身姿间自然流露，
淡雅得如同一朵纤柔的苹果花。
如今那美丽在心间焕然，而我
却不得不为年华流逝，而低泣。

The Arrow

I thought of your beauty.and this arrow,
Made out of a wild thought,is in my maroow.
There’s no man may look upon her,no man,
As when newly to be a woman,
Tall and noble but with face and bosom
Delicate in colour as apple blossom.
This beauty’s kinder,yet for a reason
I could weep that the old out of season.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《时光如期，智慧随行》

尽管叶片繁多，根，只有一条；
在布满谎言的青春岁月里
在阳光下，我摇晃着叶与花；
如今，我也许该凋萎成真理。

The Coming of Wisdom with Time

Though leaves are many, the root is one;
Though all the lying days of my youth
I swayed my leaves and flowers in the sun;
Now I may wither into the truth.

《给风中起舞的女孩》

在海滩起舞的你
何需在意
风和浪的喧闹？
披散你的头发

盐粒在你打湿的发丝中落下；
年轻的你还不明白
愚者自得，也不懂得
爱，来去如风
甚至不知道勤劳者死去
而收割未央的道理
所以何需在意
那些风的呼号

To a child dancing in the wind

Dance there upon the shore;
What need have you to care
For wind or water\'s roar?
And tumble out your hair

That the salt dropos have wet;
Being young you have not known
The fool’s triumph,nor yet
Love lost as soon as won,
Nor the best labourer dead
And all the sheaves to bind.
What need have you to dread
The monstrous crying of wind?

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-14 11:13:09编辑过]

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《两年之后》

没有人说过，那些
大胆善意的双眼，会被更多地认可？
也没有人警告过你
扑火的飞娥有多么绝望?
我本该警告你的，但那时你太过年轻
是以，我们操着不同的语调。

哦，你接受别人的馈赠
天真地以为世上的人都是朋友，
遭受如你母亲一般的磨难，
最终衰弱无疑。
我老了，你尚年轻
我还是说着不合语法的鬼话。

two years later

has no one said those daring
kind eyes should be more lean’d?
or warned you how depairing
the moths are when they are young,
so we speak a different tongue.

O you will take whatever’s offered
And dream that all the world’s friend,
Suffer as your mother suffered,
be as broken in the end.
But I am old and you are young,
And I speak a barbarous tongue.

注：叶芝对一生所爱恋的女人伊休尔特.冈无法用语言来教导，两个人找不到共同语言，这让叶芝伤心、疲惫。在此诗中，他把伊休尔特.冈的幼稚无忧和自己的憔悴忧虑进行了对照。

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
A memory of youth

The moments passed as at a play;
I had the wisdom love brings forth;
I had my share of mother-wit,
And yet for all that I could say,
And though I had her praise for it,
A cloud blown from the cut-throat north
Suddenly hid love’s moon away.

Believing every word I said,
I praised her body and her mind
Till praide had made her eyes grow bright,
And pleasure made her cheeks grow red,
And vanity hei football light
Yet we,for all that praise,could find
Nothing but darkness overhead.

We sat as silent as a stone,
We knew,though she’d not said word,
That even the best of love must die,
And had been savagely undone
Were it not that love upon the cry
Of a most ridiculous little bird
Tore from the clouds his marvellous moon.

《青春的回忆》

那些瞬间，流逝如剧中场景；
我得到了爱情带来的智慧；
我有可分享的天赋，
但我无论说些什么——
甚至为此得到了她的赞许，都挡不住
一片从苦寒的北方吹来的云朵
突然隐去爱神的月光。

相信我说的每一个字，
我赞美她的灵与肉：
直至骄傲雪亮了她的双眼
直至幸福绯红了她的面颊
直至虚荣放轻了她的脚步
虽有这样的赞美，却只能找到
黑暗，笼罩在我们的头顶。

我们坐着，宁静如石，
她虽无语，彼此却心知肚明
至上的爱情仍会老去，
仍会经受无情的摧折。
爱神仿佛在一息间被唤醒：
那是一只滑稽而玲珑的鸟儿
从云翳中，扯出了明媚的月光。

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-14 15:32:42编辑过]

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《铭心之誓》

你抛却了那深沉的誓言，
别人便与我相恋；
但每每，在我直面死亡的时侯，
在我睡至最酣的时候，
在我纵酒狂欢的时候，
我眼前都会突然浮现你的容颜。

A DEEP-SWORN VOW

Others because you did not keep
That deep-sworn vow have been friends of mine;
Yet always when I look death in the face,
When I clamber to the heights of sleep,
Or when I grow excited with wine,
Suddenly I meet your face.

《心念的气球》

双手吖，按我所言：
把那心念的气球——
鼓鼓的、飘荡在风中的那只
拽回小屋。

the balloon of the mind

hands,do what you ’re bid:
bring the balloon os the mind
that bellies and drags in the wind
into its narrow shed.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《写给凯尔纳诺的一只小松鼠》

来和我玩吧！
为什么你跑开了
钻到树丛里
好像我带着枪
要打你似的
我只是想
摸一下你的小脑袋
然后让你走

to a squirrel at kyle-na-no

come play with me;
why should you run
through the shaking tree
as through I’d a gun
to strike you dead?
When all I would do
Is to scratch your head
And let you go.

《象征》
一座风中古老的瞭望塔，
一位盲隐士敲响了时钟，

无坚不摧的剑锋依旧
佩在云游愚者的身边。

金缕包裹着剑锋，
美女与愚者同眠。

Symbols

A storm-beaten old watch-tower
A blind hermit rings the hour.

All-destroying sword-blade still
Carried by the wandering fool.

Gold-sewn silk on the sword-blade,
Beauty and fool together laid

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《溢出的牛奶》

我们曾想过，也曾做过
想过和做过的一切
必将弥散开来，渐渐变得稀薄
如溢出的牛奶流淌在石头上。

Spilt milk

We that have done and thought,
That have thought and done,
Must ramble,and thin out
Like milk spilt on a stone.

《十九世纪及之后》

虽然伟大的歌声不再
欢愉仍在喧哗我心
如海滩卵石
在落潮后仍阵阵弹唱

The nineteenth century and after

Though the great song return no more
There’s keen delinght in what we have:
The rattle of pebbles on the shore
Under the receding wave.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《轮》

我们在冬季里，呼唤春天
又在春天里，把夏日叫喊
在风响篱笆的日子里
发表最爱冬季的宣言；
之后，再无好可言
因为春天未至
却不知搅扰我们血液的
是血液对墓碑的渴望。

the wheel

throuhgh winter-time we call on spring,
and through the spring on summer call,
and when abounding hedes ring
declare that winter’s best of all;
and after that there’s nothing good
because the spring-time has not come-
nor know that what disturbs our blood
is but its longing for the tomb.

《青年和老年》

年轻时，我热血盈身
被世界压抑
如今，一张巧嘴
催熟临终的旅客

Youth and age

Much did I rage when young,
Being by the world oppressed,
But now with flattering tongue
It speeds the parting guest.

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
《长脚青蛉》

文明不落，
战争有失，
让猎犬安静，
系战马于远桩，
主将恺撒在他的营帐里，
面对摊开的一副副地图，
双眼茫然，
单手支颐．

如一只长脚青蛉  盘桓于溪水，
他的思绪  在寂静中游移．

高塔焚灭，
容颜永存，
在这个寂寥之地
她忖度着，
一分女人，
三分孩童，
邯郸学步，
蹑足潜踪。

如一只长脚青蛉  盘桓于溪水，
她的思绪  在寂静中游移．

情窦初开的少女
怀春于心中的亚当，
关上教堂的大门，
莫让孩子们进来。
大门里的脚手架上，
米开朗琪罗正仰卧，
除了地鼠私语
他的手腕往复，
了无声息。

如一只长脚青蛉  盘桓于溪水，
他的思绪  在寂静中游移。

Long-Legged Fly

That civilisation may not sink,
its great battle lost,
Quiet the dog,tether the pony
To a distant post;
Our master Caesar is in the tent
Where the maps are spread,
His eyes fixed upon nothing,
A hand under his head.

Like a long-legged fly upon the stream
His mind moves upon silence.

That the topless towers be burnt
And men recall that face,
Move most gently if move you must
In this lonely place.
She thinks,part woman,three parts a child,
That nobody looks,her feet
Practise a tinker shuffle
Picked up on a street.

Like a long-legged fly upon the stream
His mind moves upon silence.

That girls at puberty may find
The first Adam in their thought,
Shut the door of the Pope\'s chapel,
Keep those children out.
There on that scaffolding reclines
Michael Angelo.
With no more sound that the mice make
His hand moves to and fro.

Like a long-legged fly upon the stream
His mind moves upon silence.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-21 15:08:42编辑过]

作者: neat 时间: 2007-8-4 13:29
在此，一共贴了24首叶芝的译作（先告一段落），说是内修，叶芝先生的确让我获益。囿于我的英文水平和对诗歌的“能见度”、时间关系等，难免有疏漏和不当之处，也恳请大家提出宝贵意见，以便我做进一步的修改。啰嗦这么多，权当敝帚自珍吧，感谢朋友们：）

                                                               neat于内蒙古
                                                               2005/08/21

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-8-21 13:24:07编辑过]

作者: 张小民 时间: 2007-8-4 13:30
你译的吗，喜欢啊。记得让我看你的耳朵，我把第一次留给你。

^_^

欢迎光临黑蓝论坛 (http://www.heilan.com/FORUM/)