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标题:
[原创]偶然
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作者:
啊呜
时间:
2007-8-4 13:39
标题:
[原创]偶然
<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';"><strong>偶然</strong><br/><br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">我踏过叶片，露水上身<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">月牙折射出二十五点钟，一次失足<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">我已在叶的背面。记住我吧<br/></span><span lang="EN-US"> <br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">在雨意消散之后，你大概会保存些阴影<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">在水光之间。俨然心神已在<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">念念有词，还是闪烁而过<br/></span><span lang="EN-US"> <br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">记住我吧，往返百年听取你的潮汐<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">我匆匆花开，留下一个黑洞<br/></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'Times New Roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'Times New Roman\';">仿佛颐养天年时的居所<br/></span><span lang="EN-US"> <br/></span><span lang="EN-US">2006.11.11</span>
作者:
莨
时间:
2007-8-4 13:39
很不错哦。波折感很好玩。
作者:
李林寒
时间:
2007-8-4 13:39
<p><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'times new roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'times new roman\';">我踏过叶片，露水上身</span></p><p><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'times new roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'times new roman\';">----------------------</span></p><p><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'times new roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'times new roman\';">起句，就感觉“平”了，整体的内在诗意不流畅，较为繁杂。妄言了，问好</span></p>
作者:
啊呜
时间:
2007-8-4 13:39
<div class="msgheader">QUOTE:</div><div class="msgborder"><b>以下是引用<i>莨</i>在2006-11-11 23:22:25的发言：</b><br/>很不错哦。波折感很好玩。</div><p>姐好，多批评.</p>
作者:
二十月
时间:
2007-8-4 13:39
不错。结尾“<span style="FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: \'times new roman\'; mso-hansi-font-family: \'times new roman\';">仿佛颐养天年时的居所”这句似乎还可修改</span>
作者:
程七
时间:
2007-8-4 13:40
<p> 恩</p><p>结尾不知道怎么想的</p><p>修改一下哦?></p><p>呵呵</p>
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