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试译W.H.奥登《纪念西格蒙德·弗洛伊德》(已更新,多提意见)

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发表于 2007-8-4 13:30:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
<>纪念西格蒙德·弗洛伊德<br><br>W.H.奥登<br><br><br>当如许的人事需要我们哀悼,<br>当悲痛已如此公然,暴露<br>   我们良知与痛苦的脆弱<br>  于整个时代的批评话语,<br><br>还有谁我们将要谈论?一日日为我们<br>谋过福祉的人,在我们当中死去,<br>   他们知道永无足日,却<br>  仍渴望用生活带来稍许的改进。<br><br>这医生就如此:在耄耋之年他仍愿<br>思索我们的生活,从生活的桀骜中<br>   种种或可成真的年幼的未来<br>  以威胁或谄媚要我们顺从,<br><br>然而他的愿望否决了自己:他阖上双眼<br>在你我都熟悉的,那最后的图景<br>   问题像亲属般聚集<br>  困惑并嫉妒我们的将死。<br><br>因最终围绕着他的仍是<br>他曾思索过的,夜间的畜群,<br>   和仍期待着进入<br>  他所认可的光环的阴影<br><br>失落地转向别处,当他<br>被带离终生的兴趣所在 <br>   回到伦敦的土壤,<br>  一位重要的犹太人死于放逐中。<br><br>只有恨才感到快乐,欲增加<br>他当下的业务,他阴暗的主顾<br>   以为杀戮和将灰烬覆满花园<br>  能将他们治愈。<br><br>他们仍活着,却是活在一个因他而改变的世界<br>回首往昔他没有虚假的悔过;<br>   他做的一切只是像老人一样记忆<br>  又如孩子般率真。<br><br>他本不聪明:他只是要那                    <br>不幸的现时像上诗歌课那样<br>   细述过去,直到<br>  它终将踌躇着来到许久前  <br><br>那谴责起始的一线,<br>并顿悟自己曾受什么样的准则判断,<br>   生命曾是多么丰饶又多么愚蠢,<br>  被生命宽恕,更加恭顺,<br><br>能够像个友人般接近未来<br>没有任何藉口织就的戏服,没有<br>   那惯常一本正经的面具,或是                    <br>  那窘人的过分亲昵的姿态。<br><br>无怪傲慢古旧的陈规<br>在他那无定的技艺中预见到   </P>
<>王子们的沉沦,有利可图的<br>  挫折范式的崩溃:<br><br>如果他成功,那么,概念化的生活<br>将变得无稽,现状的支柱<br>   将被打碎,阻止<br>  复仇者的联合。<br><br>他们当然会去找上帝,可他已下临<br>到如但丁那样的迷途者中间,下临<br>   到恶臭的沟渠,那里受伤的人们<br>  过着被弃者丑恶的生活,<br><br>并告知我们何谓罪恶,并非如我们所想,<br>是必遭惩罚的行为,而是我们信仰的缺失,<br>   我们不诚的否定的心境,<br>  还有那压迫者的淫欲。<br><br>如果那些专断姿态的痕迹,<br>他不信任的父亲般的严厉,仍<br>   粘附于他的举止言辞,<br>  那就是一个在敌人中<br><br>生活了许久的人的保护色:<br>如果他总是犯错,有时还错得荒谬 <br>   对我们他就不再是个人                             <br>  而是整个观念的气候<br><br>在那之下我们过着各自的生活<br>就像天气他只能阻扰或是帮忙<br>   骄傲的仍可以骄傲却发现<br>  有一点困难,暴君试图<br><br>设法应付他却对他并不怎么在意<br>他静静地围绕着我们所有成长的习惯<br>   又继续延伸,直到在哪怕最遥远的<br>  悲惨的公国的疲惫者                    <br><br>都已从骨子里感到那变化并欣喜<br>直到在自己小现状中感到不幸的孩子,<br>   在某个自由被拒斥的窝里,<br>  以恐惧与烦忧为蜜的巢中,<br><br>都已感到些平静和某种逃离的保证           <br>当躺卧在我们疏漏的草丛中<br>   如许被久久遗忘的事物<br>  被他不灭的光泽照亮而显露 <br><br>又回到我们身边,珍贵如已往<br>我们成长中曾以为必须丢弃的游戏<br>   我们怯于嘲笑的微弱的喧闹<br>  无人注视时我们扮过的鬼脸<br><br>他对我们所愿却远多于此。自由<br>常意味着孤寂。他将要修复整合<br>   因我们自己善意的决断<br>  而断裂的不等的两半,<br><br>将智慧复归大份<br>意愿归于小份,但却只可用于<br>   沉闷的争论,将归还<br>  给儿子母亲感情的丰盛:<br><br>但他尤其要我们记住<br>热情地度过那夜晚<br>   要对夜晚热情满怀<br>  惊奇的感受,亦<br><br>因它需要我们的爱。那些悦人的生物<br>以悲伤的大眼睛仰视,默默地<br>   乞求我们让他们跟随:<br>  他们在放逐中,渴望着<br><br>在我们掌控中的未来,如果允许他们<br>像他一样为启蒙效劳,他们也将欣喜,            <br>   即使去忍受我们“犹大”的呵斥,<br>  像他曾承受过,亦是所有启蒙的效劳者都必须承受的<br><br>一个理性之声喑哑。在他的坟墓之上<br>冲动情感的家族悲悼着一个深爱着的人:    <br>   厄洛斯,城市的建造者哀伤,<br>  而不羁的阿芙洛狄忒哭泣。  </P>
<>05-11-09试译</P>
<P>05-12-03修改<br><br>In Memory of Sigmund Freud   <br>by W. H. Auden  <br><br><br><br><br>When there are so many we shall have to mourn,<br>when grief has been made so public, and exposed<br>     to the critique of a whole epoch<br>   the frailty of our conscience and anguish,<br><br>of whom shall we speak? For every day they die<br>among us, those who were doing us some good,<br>     who knew it was never enough but<br>   hoped to improve a little by living.<br><br>Such was this doctor: still at eighty he wished<br>to think of our life from whose unruliness<br>     so many plausible young futures<br>   with threats or flattery ask obedience,<br><br>but his wish was denied him: he closed his eyes<br>upon that last picture, common to us all,<br>     of problems like relatives gathered<br>   puzzled and jealous about our dying. <br><br>For about him till the very end were still<br>those he had studied, the fauna of the night,<br>     and shades that still waited to enter<br>   the bright circle of his recognition<br><br>turned elsewhere with their disappointment as he<br>was taken away from his life interest<br>     to go back to the earth in London,<br>   an important Jew who died in exile.<br><br>Only Hate was happy, hoping to augment<br>his practice now, and his dingy clientele<br>     who think they can be cured by killing<br>   and covering the garden with ashes.<br><br>They are still alive, but in a world he changed<br>simply by looking back with no false regrets;<br>     all he did was to remember<br>   like the old and be honest like children.<br><br>He wasn\'t clever at all: he merely told<br>the unhappy Present to recite the Past<br>     like a poetry lesson till sooner<br>   or later it faltered at the line where<br><br>long ago the accusations had begun,<br>and suddenly knew by whom it had been judged,<br>     how rich life had been and how silly,<br>   and was life-forgiven and more humble,<br><br>able to approach the Future as a friend<br>without a wardrobe of excuses, without<br>     a set mask of rectitude or an <br>   embarrassing over-familiar gesture.<br><br>No wonder the ancient cultures of conceit<br>in his technique of unsettlement foresaw<br>     the fall of princes, the collapse of<br>   their lucrative patterns of frustration:<br><br>if he succeeded, why, the Generalised Life<br>would become impossible, the monolith<br>     of State be broken and prevented<br>   the co-operation of avengers.<br><br>Of course they called on God, but he went his way<br>down among the lost people like Dante, down<br>     to the stinking fosse where the injured<br>   lead the ugly life of the rejected,<br><br>and showed us what evil is, not, as we thought,<br>deeds that must be punished, but our lack of faith,<br>     our dishonest mood of denial,<br>   the concupiscence of the oppressor.<br><br>If some traces of the autocratic pose,<br>the paternal strictness he distrusted, still<br>     clung to his utterance and features,<br>   it was a protective coloration<br><br>for one who\'d lived among enemies so long:<br>if often he was wrong and, at times, absurd,<br>     to us he is no more a person<br>   now but a whole climate of opinion<br><br>under whom we conduct our different lives:<br>Like weather he can only hinder or help,<br>     the proud can still be proud but find it<br>   a little harder, the tyrant tries to<br><br>make do with him but doesn\'t care for him much:<br>he quietly surrounds all our habits of growth<br>     and extends, till the tired in even<br>   the remotest miserable duchy<br><br>have felt the change in their bones and are cheered<br>till the child, unlucky in his little State,<br>     some hearth where freedom is excluded,<br>   a hive whose honey is fear and worry,<br><br>feels calmer now and somehow assured of escape,<br>while, as they lie in the grass of our neglect, <br>     so many long-forgotten objects<br>   revealed by his undiscouraged shining<br><br>are returned to us and made precious again;<br>games we had thought we must drop as we grew up,<br>     little noises we dared not laugh at,<br>   faces we made when no one was looking.<br><br>But he wishes us more than this. To be free<br>is often to be lonely. He would unite<br>     the unequal moieties fractured<br>   by our own well-meaning sense of justice,<br><br>would restore to the larger the wit and will <br>the smaller possesses but can only use<br>     for arid disputes, would give back to<br>   the son the mother\'s richness of feeling:<br><br>but he would have us remember most of all <br>to be enthusiastic over the night,<br>     not only for the sense of wonder<br>   it alone has to offer, but also<br><br>because it needs our love. With large sad eyes<br>its delectable creatures look up and beg<br>     us dumbly to ask them to follow:<br>   they are exiles who long for the future<br><br>that lives in our power, they too would rejoice<br>if allowed to serve enlightenment like him,<br>     even to bear our cry of \'Judas\', <br>   as he did and all must bear who serve it.<br><br>One rational voice is dumb. Over his grave<br>the household of Impulse mourns one dearly loved:<br>     sad is Eros, builder of cities,<br>   and weeping anarchic Aphrodite.<br><br><br><br><br></P>
[此贴子已经被作者于2005-12-3 10:11:01编辑过]
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海月澄无影,游鱼独自迷。 海月既无影,游鱼何得迷? 舶良指玄斋:http://poetshen.shineblog.com/

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发表于 2007-8-4 13:31:25 |只看该作者
<>大刀阔斧改了一遍</P>
<>现在应该可以看了<IMG src="http://poetshen.shineblog.com/images/emot/face25.gif">,原来译的真的差的不能看<IMG src="http://poetshen.shineblog.com/images/emot/face6.gif"></P>
<>谢谢小小风用帮我梳理全诗提了那么多宝贵意见:)<br><br>大家继续多提意见</P>
[此贴子已经被作者于2005-12-3 9:50:48编辑过]
海月澄无影,游鱼独自迷。 海月既无影,游鱼何得迷? 舶良指玄斋:http://poetshen.shineblog.com/
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发表于 2007-8-4 13:31:26 |只看该作者
<>感觉译作有意制造出一些比较拗口或不合常规的句子</P>
<>比如:“如许的人事”“悲痛已如此公然”“这医生就如此”“他对我们所愿却远多于此”“将智慧复归大份”,等等</P>
<>“如许的人事”就是“这么多的事情”,“如许的人事”不大通</P>
<P>“公然”也许作“公开”更自然些</P>
<P>“Such was this doctor”译作“这就是那个医生”,看起来很平庸,但原诗就是这么平实的</P>
<P>我觉得应该保持当代汉语中与之对应的语感,而不要刻意地去修饰哪怕一点点东西</P>
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发表于 2007-8-4 13:31:26 |只看该作者
<DIV class=quote><B>以下是引用<I>hollyhoon</I>在2005-12-5 17:56:44的发言:</B><BR>

<>“Such was this doctor”译作“这就是那个医生”,看起来很平庸,但原诗就是这么平实的</P>
<>我觉得应该保持当代汉语中与之对应的语感,而不要刻意地去修饰哪怕一点点东西</P><BR><BR></DIV>
<>在这里极是。</P>[em08]
neat的屁眼上面有根波板糖。
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