国外幽默笑话集（李子园译）。首译。转贴请联系我。

李子园

<span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">希拉里走进一个宠物店，找到只五颜六色的漂亮鹦鹉。“这只鹦鹉会说话吗？”她问。“会。”宠物店经理说。“可是为什么这只鹦鹉</span><span lang="EN-US"><font face="Calibri">50</font></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">美金，其它都卖</span><span lang="EN-US"><font face="Calibri">500</font></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">美金？”她又问。“夫人，”经理说：“不是所有人都想买这只鹦鹉。他在一个妓院带过很多年，所以说话难听。”</span><span lang="EN-US"></span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“就要他了。”她说。“随您的便。”经理耸了耸肩膀。于是希拉里把他带回了白宫，打开笼子盖，细细端详这只鹦鹉。鹦鹉把头扭到一边，直视着希拉里说：“新房子，新主子。”希拉里大笑。</span><span lang="EN-US"></span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">不一会儿，切尔西和她一位朋友过来看鸟。“新房子，新婊子，”鹦鹉说。刚开始她们很恼火，等希拉里说明这只鸟的来历，他们也大笑起来。</span><span lang="EN-US"></span></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">几分钟过后，总统走进住宅。鹦鹉从食槽那撇了他一眼，说：“嘿，比尔！”（子园译）</span></p></span>

[此帖子已经被作者于[lastedittime]1222075552[/lastedittime]编辑过]

xiaowu

<p>李子园，请将你翻译的笑话在一帖里贴齐么？短时间连续发帖太囧了。</p>

李子园

<p>好的。我问一下能不能发成人笑话////</p>

xiaowu

<p>随便，但要放在同一帖里。</p><p>你的笑话火星了，有没有新的。</p>

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:arial;mso-hansi-font-family:arial;mso-bidi-font-family:arial;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast">有个小男孩问他爸爸：“什么是政治？”</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:&amp;quot:;arial&amp:;quot:;,&amp:;quot:;sans-serif&amp:;quot:"><p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:arial;mso-hansi-font-family:arial;mso-bidi-font-family:arial;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast">爸爸：“儿子，这么说吧：我养家糊口，可以称为资本主义。你妈妈管理钱财，我们称她为政府。我们满足你的需求，你就叫做人民。保姆呢，我们称之为工人阶级。你的小弟，称为未来。好了，你去想想有没有道理。”小男孩上床思考爸爸的话。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:&amp;quot:;arial&amp:;quot:;,&amp:;quot:;sans-serif&amp:;quot:"><p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:arial;mso-hansi-font-family:arial;mso-bidi-font-family:arial;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast">那天晚上，他听到小弟的哭声，于是起床去看看。他发现小弟把尿布弄得湿透了。小男孩去他父母那里，看到妈妈在熟睡。他不忍心把她叫醒，就去了保姆的房间。他发现门是锁着的，他从钥匙孔里看到爸爸和保姆睡在一起。他放弃了努力，回去睡觉了。第二天早晨，小男孩告诉爸爸：“爸爸，我觉得现在我明白政治的含义了。”爸爸问：“好儿子，用你自己的话告诉我政治是什么。”</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family:&amp;quot:;arial&amp:;quot:;,&amp:;quot:;sans-serif&amp:;quot:"><p></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:arial;mso-hansi-font-family:arial;mso-bidi-font-family:arial;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast">小男孩回答说：“当资本主义压迫（干, screw）工人阶级的时候，政府在熟睡，人民没人管没人问，未来在拉屎拉尿。”</span></p>

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">有个人给家里打电话，一个陌生女人接听电话。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">他问：“你是谁？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“我是女佣。”女人回答。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“我们家没雇女佣。”那人说。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女人解释道：“这个房间的女主人今天早上刚雇的我。”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">那人说：“我是她丈夫。她在家吗？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女佣：“她正和一个男人在楼上的卧室里。我想那男的是她丈夫。”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">那人火冒三丈：“听着，你想不想赚</span><span lang="EN-US"><font face="Calibri">$50,000</font></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女佣：“你让我干嘛？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">男人：“我想让你从我桌子里取出枪，干掉这巫婆和跟她在一块的那个笨蛋。”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女佣放下电话。男人听到脚步声和两声枪响。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女佣回到电话机旁：“尸体怎么办？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">男人：“扔进游泳池。”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">女佣不解地说：“你家没有游泳池啊？”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">男人沉默良久，问“这是</span><span lang="EN-US"><font face="Calibri">567-5309</font></span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">吗？”</span></p>（子园译）

[此帖子已经被作者于[lastedittime]1221624924[/lastedittime]编辑过]

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:arial;mso-hansi-font-family:arial;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-bidi-font-family:arial"><font size="3">吧员看见有个人在酒馆里头喝得烂醉。等这个醉鬼再要啤酒的时候，吧员客气地告诉他喝不动了。这个人走了，然后从便门进来，向吧员要酒喝。吧员有点沮丧，把以前说的话重复了一遍。这个人走了，又从另外一个便门进来，向吧员要酒喝。吧员恼了，告诉他醉过头了，让他打车回家，离开这个酒馆。他走了，又从后门进来，向吧员要酒喝。没等他说一句话，吧员对他咆哮道：“告诉你多少遍了，你醉了，不能再喝了！离开我的酒吧！”这个人很不爽地看看吧员问：“老兄，你到底给多少酒吧当服务生啊？”(子园译) </font></span></p>

[此帖子已经被作者于[lastedittime]1221630838[/lastedittime]编辑过]

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">一只熊走进酒馆，对吧员说：“我要一杯波旁威士忌和</span><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-fareast">·····一瓶可乐。”吧员说：“中间有那么大停顿是怎么回事？”熊说：“因为那些我都尝过了。”(子园译) </span></p><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-fareast"><p><font face="Arial">A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke." The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" The bear said "I've had them all my life"</font></p></span>

[此帖子已经被作者于[lastedittime]1221631717[/lastedittime]编辑过]

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">有个人走进酒馆，向吧员点了两份啤酒。这样连续点了好几个晚上，吧员有点好奇，于是走向前去问：“先生，你为什么老是要两份酒？”这个人说：“我以前都是跟我最要好的朋友一起来这里，可现在他死了。第二份酒是我替他喝的。”几天后，这个人只要了一份啤酒。吧员又好奇地问：“先生，这次怎么只点了一份？”这个人回答说：“我已经戒酒了！”(子园译) </span></p>

李子园

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">有个人在酒吧里呆呆地看着他的酒。他这样子已经半个小时了。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">有个倒霉的卡车司机走过来，从他的手中夺过杯子，一饮而尽。这可怜的人哭了。卡车司机说：“得了老兄，我刚才是开玩笑的。这样吧，我给你再买份酒。我最受不了男人哭了。”</span><span lang="EN-US"><p><font face="Calibri">&nbsp;</font></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“不，事情不是这样的。今天我可算背到家了。第一，我睡过了头，晚去了公司。我老板生气地把我开除了。当我离开办公楼，发现车被人偷走了。警察说无能无力。我打车回家，下车的时候，我突然想起钱包和信用卡忘车里了。可是出租车司机早就溜了。</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span lang="EN-US"><p><font face="Calibri"></font></p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0cm 0cm 0pt"><span style="font-family:宋体;mso-ascii-font-family:calibri;mso-hansi-font-family:calibri;mso-fareast-font-family:宋体;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin">“等我回到了家，发现老婆跟园丁睡在一起。于是我离开家，来到这个酒吧。正想着结束我的生命，你却出现了，还喝干了我的毒药。”(子园译) </span></p>